We all know that divorce is really hard on everyone, especially the kids. But an extra layer of stress touches the hearts of divorced moms when they have to share custody and see their babies go off for entire weekends to their other parent’s house. The divorced mom may have the kids most of the time, but when shared custody is reached, then mommy has to let go. It can be very stressful for a mom and her kids. Not only do the kids have to adapt to a new living arrangement that involves two houses, but shared time with each of their parents separately. This reality can be very hard for divorced moms but here I will share with you how you can deal with this situation for the better.
The first thing you have to do is really internalize that you cannot prevent your spouse from spending time with his kids. If you both have shared custody, then the kids usually reside with the mom most of the time and go to the dad’s house on weekends and some whole weeks. This is mandated by the court so there is no point in stressing about the reality, just accept it.
The best thing you can do is to try to have a amicable relationship with your ex. He will be a part of your life forever, and it’s better to accept this that cannot be changed. Even if you hate one another, it’s better to keep it civil and kind of gracious for the kids’ sake. If you decide to maintain a good relationship with your ex then you will be less stressed during the times that your kids have to go over to his house.
When you get your kids back, ask questions but without sounding like an interrogator. You want to know what goes on in that house but straight from your kids’ mouths. So remember don’t interrogate your kids, ask them questions. Ask some questions when they come back, then the next day maybe a couple more. Make it sound and look as you are truly interested in what they do with their dads, not because you want to get dirt on him – remember he is their father and will always have a special place in your kids’ hearts.
Lastly, don’t compare your house and experiences to their dad’s house and experiences. In that game of comparisons, one of you will loose and in the end, kids shouldn’t be put in a place where they have to choose who is the best parent, or who gives them the most. You must fight the urge to show your kids how you are the better parent – don’t do it because that is an impossible cause where everyone looses.
The most important thing to remember is that the better you get along with your ex-spouse the better that you will feel when you have to let go of your kids. Remember you will always get them back.